08.31.04
I had this long entry all typed out, but about half-way through, I was all, �You know what? This entry sucks. It is a bunch of self-indulgent, trying-to-be deep, hypothetical bullshit.�
So I�m not going to post it. You�re welcome.
I mean, OF COURSE, Anelie, your life is about to change. And of course, you don�t know exactly how. And, yes, this naturally might be making you a little nervous. But it isn�t like you�re retiring from life. You�re not leaving the planet, and you will still be allowed to be you. You will not have to turn into your neighbor who is about 2 years younger than you with 3 kids and who apparently never turns on the television set or picks up a magazine or enters society because she can only talk to people in babytalk and only seems to be able to shop at the activewear section at JC Penny.
Nor do you have to turn into your mother and snap as the result of getting married too young and have an affair with a man you drive school bus with and run off to live with in a shack in the desert, dragging your three children with you.
True, if you still want to live out your dream of backpacking across Europe, it will have to be with a Bjorn attached to your back, and you probably won�t ever end up on Broadway like you once wanted. But that doesn�t mean that you are about to be trapped with your 2.5 kids in a house with a white picket fence�FOR-EV-ER.
Gah. Get over yourself.
�I guess it�s just starting to sink in. It was one thing to get married, but having children, in my book, means that your life is now dedicated to the well-being and happiness of this Little Person. I know a lot of the world wouldn�t agree with me on that, but it�s how I feel. I will be giving up a huge amount of personal autonomy to have this child. It�s called sacrifice, and I don�t think enough parents today are willing to accept that as a parental requirement.
Do you want the ugly, hidden truth? I am not the epitome of patience or longsuffering. And I have a sneaking suspicion that a tall order of Patience and Longsuffering with a side of Responsibility is headed my way.
That�s cool. Bring it on.
But please, please let me still be able to carry on a conversation in the outside world that extends beyond the latest DVD release by the Wiggles.
:::
In other news, I have an appointment on Thursday to get another Doppler. Hopefully they will be able to find a heartbeat. At only 10 weeks, I know it is still early, but I don�t know if I can hold off the irrational anxiety for another few weeks.
I�m definitely still feeling pregnant. Man, our bodies do weird things when we are pregnant. I find myself having these strange physical symptoms only to look it up and find out that it is �normal� for pregnancy. Like a continual stuffy nose, or a sudden increase in productivity by my salivary glands. Weird.
I finally got around to taking a pregnancy pic. This one is almost 10 weeks. I don�t have a before to compare it too. Just imagine the stomach just a leetle bit flatter. Oh, and please ignore the JLo butt.
I know, I�ve still got a looong way to go.
:::
J and I leave on Friday for our trip up north. I�m really excited. We�re going to visit the exact forest where they filmed the Endor scenes for Return of the Jedi! (Yes, I am a dork.) But just getting out of the city will be nice. I�ll take lots of pictures and hopefully get some posted.