08.25.04

Well, I was hoping it was going to pass me by, but I finally threw up this morning right before I left for work. I had forgotten just how much I hate it. The last time I was sick was over a year ago. I had gotten food poisoning from something I ate at the Happiest Place On Earth (as my not-yet-husband incredulously said later that night, �Who orders fish at a theme park?�), and was up all night in the bathroom. I was so sick that night I passed out and woke up on the tile a few hours later. I was comfortable (and too weak to move) so I decided to stay put for a while. Good times.

This wasn�t that bad, but it did suck. Man, if I have weeks of this to look forward too--well, I�d rather not think about it. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I hadn�t eaten anything until later that morning. I haven�t been sick, so I haven�t been making it a point to eat something first thing. Tomorrow I�ll definitely have something by the bed when I wake up. I�ll say one thing, though, there is no way I will be able to make it to the bathroom every time if this happens when I am at work. The closest bathroom is outside in another building, and I have to use a key to get in. Right. I�d better stock up on garbage bags for the office.

On the other hand, though, I am strangely relieved. I went in for an appointment with a new doctor last week (I think I�m sticking with this one) and they tried to find a heartbeat but couldn�t. The doctor told me that he wasn�t worried, it was still really early, but I could get an ultrasound if I was going to be worrying about it. Oddly enough, I told him I was fine; I would wait until my next appointment in two weeks. I mean this is the way I see it, if everything is fine then there is nothing to worry about, but if something is wrong, there is really nothing anyone can do about it anyway. Of course that doesn�t mean I haven�t been vaguely paranoid about it all week. I guess throwing up kind of confirms that something is still happening in there.

As for the whole realizing this is really happening front, I�m still waiting for the reality of it to sink in. Every now and then I say something or hear something that makes it so real it freaks me out. Using the words �son� or �daughter� does that to me. They�re just so much more �I�m a mom with a minivan� than using words like �newborn� or �baby.� I go back and forth between thinking of all the good things and then the scary things. Like there are sleepless nights, and temper tantrums, and inconsolable screams, and changing diapers. But there is also sweet baby skin, and tiny fingers and toes, and first smiles, and little sighs when falling asleep. The thing is, as much as it freaks me out, I know I will be completely in love with this baby and that all the negative will pale in comparison to that love. That makes me happy, and totally balances out the scary stuff.

Have I mentioned that I think it�s going to be a boy? For some reason I do. I�m actually leaning towards a girl as far as preference goes (not that I wouldn�t gladly take either); I mean I was the oldest girl, and my cousin is having a little girl and we would love to have girls that were as close as we are, and little girls are just so�adorable. But J�s entire family is rooting for a boy (they all refer to the baby as �he�) and so I guess I�ve just resigned myself to doing it too. Maybe so I will be mentally excited about it beforehand either way.

So we�ll see. That�s still weeks away, though.

:::

In other non-baby news, I�m trying to avoid all things political for a while. It�s just not good for my blood pressure. I hate the negativity that shrouds election years. Geez, let�s just hurry up and vote and get it over with. That way half of the country can start complaining about whoever wins just as quickly as possible. (Cynical? Who, me?)

The good news is that I�ve got the latest episode of The Amazing Race waiting for me at home tonight and I just ordered a really cute flare-denim maternity skirt from Old Navy. Yay.

before ~ after