03.06.06

Okay, enough of the drama. Although I am still feeling like I've got a long road ahead of me, I woke up today feeling much more motivated. I found an old weekly calendar and weighed myself and wrote that weight down in today's date. Seeing that number with lots of empty weeks stretching ahead of me (I want to have lost at least 12 pounds by the time we leave Amarillo--about a pound a week) made me feel some hope as I realized that this is a totally realistic goal. I've got about 17 pounds to get to where I was before the baby, but of course I'd like to get a bit below that number so at least 20 lbs all together.

There were some setbacks last week, though. I was running to get a towel while the baby was in the tub (bad mommy, I know) and I was in such a hurry that I somehow tripped and fell with my entire weight on my right knee. Ouch. I had to lay there for a minute trying not to blackout and then manage to drag myself into the bathroom where Mason was still splashing happily (before you send the hate-mail, I fell right outside the bathroom, so it's not like I couldn't tell he was okay).

It's still pretty sore and of course I'm paranoid that I tore my meniscus or some other scary long-term effect. In any case, any weight-bearing workouts have been put on hold for the moment.

So I'm feeling much better and optimistic. I can do this.

:::

The other day I had one of those close-to-perfect days. You know the ones where you wake up and are just totally on-the-ball. I was organized, I got everything done in the morning that I needed to. I worked out, got the baby ready, cleaned up the house, got me ready, worked on a few projects I've gotten behind on, took Mason for a walk, and even got dinner ready by the time J got home. It was a really great feeling. I love those days. I don't see why they have to be so few and far between.

My stepmom is one of those superwomen. Her house is ALWAYS completely spotless. Like there can�t be even a single dish or glass in the sink before she goes to sleep at night. Her kids (when they were younger) went to bed exactly when they were supposed to (no arguments) and then got up the next day and had their beds made and did a few chores before school. She is crazy-organized. And I have absolutely no idea how she does it.

It�s hard for me not to feel a bit like a failure sometimes. I love Saturday�s because J pretty much takes over the Mason responsibilities on those days and when, by the end of the day he�s worn out and saying he doesn�t know how I do it everyday, it really makes me feel much better. Like, okay, I�m not crazy. This IS tough.

Most days, I can manage to get everything done for Mason, but the house and stuff for myself tend to fall to the bottom of the list. And it's not like I would go back to working full-time for all the money in the world. I love staying home, I just need to get more organized and accept the fact that the leisurely pace at which I used to take life is not conducive to my sanity now.

I don't want to set unrealistic expectations on myself, or freak out when I don't get all the things done that I want, but the truth is that if I want to stay on top of the important things, I have to use my free time more constructively. That means sacrificing internet time and TV time. It�s tough because as much as I love it, staying home with the baby all day can be really draining and sometimes I just need to sit and escape while he�s sleeping. But it really isn�t worth getting behind on everything else that I need to do.

It is such a balancing act. One that, after a year, I�m still trying to figure out.

before ~ after