02.09.05

So, wanna hear my latest road rage incident story?

I admit I have a problem.

But, in my defense, I AM almost 8 months pregnant and still having to get up at 5 a.m. and make a 40-mile trek to work in bumper-to-bumper traffic. It�s no wonder that by the time I get to the office I am not the Ray of Sunshine and Bliss that we all know and love so well (shaddup). Anyway, this morning, some idiot in a pimped-out truck totally cuts me off without signaling as I'm exiting the freeway. And for some reason, I decided to flip him off. Not in a blatant in-your-face way, I didn't even care if he saw it or not; it was more like I was venting and my finger casually got in on the act. Now, I am fully aware that my normal reaction to people who flip other people off is an automatic deduction of AT LEAST 20 points off their I.Q. and also suppressed laughter. Because, oh no, a finger. Oooo. I�m scared. (And the funny thing is that I have only flipped people off maybe like 3 times in my life.) But, whatever. 6 pounds of baby and uterus sitting on a full bladder and cramped in a compact car for an hour and a half. You do the math.

Anyway, the guy did see me, apparently, and at the next light, he opens up his little sliding rear-window things on his truck and starts talking crap. I was so mad that I opened up my door to yell back. I was like, "Hey, YOU'RE the asshole who cut ME off!" (Can�t you just see the I.Q. points flying out of my brain at this point. Hormones people. Powerful stuff.) And THEN he says, "You'd better get back in your car if you know what's good for you!"

Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me.

A.) Not out of my car. Not even undoing my seatbelt. B.) Are you KIDDING ME?

Maybe he noticed somehow that I am very pregnant and was concerned that a sudden leap out of my car on a busy city street could be dangerous for my health. Yes. I�m sure that was it. Because otherwise, THE HELL?? Are you SERIOUSLY threatening me in the middle of a busy intersection full of people who just saw you CUT ME OFF?

My immediate reaction was brilliant: "WHAT?! Are you going to HIT me?? I'm pregnant--why don't you come show us how much of a MAN you are by hitting a pregnant woman!!"

His pencil-thin mustache twitched in anger for a second or two behind the �Metallica� decal on the rear window. Then he just drove off.

Yeah. That�s what I THOUGHT, Beeyatch! What an idiot.

And as I drove to work, vindicated, the thought suddenly hit me: Sigh. That was pretty sad. I�m sure my little unborn son would be so proud of his Mama. I�m going to be one of those soccer moms who sit in the bleacher threatening to rip the refs head off and has to be restrained when he misses the call on a foul against my son, aren�t I?

Bananas and now this. I REALLY think it�s time to stop this commute.

before ~ after