09.14.04

It has been one of those mornings.

You know, for the most part, I have just accepted the fact that my parents are divorced. It�s just the way it is. And, c�mon, it�s really gotten to the point where if your parents are still together it�s an anomaly. Like it�s some huge accomplishment to stay married. Crazy how times have changed.

And as far as the divorce situation goes, I feel pretty lucky. I mean, my mom has had made some really bad choices, but her and I have been able to put the past behind us and are really close today. I have been able to get past the anger I felt towards her for the affair and the resulting divorce. I honestly don�t respect her like I once did, but I love her and realize that all of us make mistakes.

And things have really worked out with my dad and my stepmom. I mean, we definitely have our differences, but they�ve done a pretty good job of putting a blended family together. We know there is an obvious difference for her between her kids and us, but for the most part, we feel included and loved.

It�s my life and my family and I love them all. For the most part, I rarely feel resentful or am made blatantly aware of the fact that things are different than any other family.

But every now and then�every now and then something will happen that will remind me that, hey, you�re family is splintered. Things are NOT the same as if your parents were still together. You can pretend, but they just aren�t.

Sometimes it�s the little things that will sting. Like when I was in college and used to bring my dirty laundry home with me on the holidays (hey, no quarters!). I tried to use the washer and dryer when no one else needed it, but I always wondered in the back of my mind if my Type-A personality stepmother hated that I used �her� machines (that my dad had bought for her when they moved in). Sure enough, when I asked my dad one day if it bothered her, he admitted that it did. Right. And then she always wondered why I never felt truly welcome in �our� home after they got married and we moved in.

So when she called me on their way out of Los Angeles the other weekend and told me that they just didn�t have the time to stop by and visit us, I tried to pretend that I didn�t care, but it hurt. They were in town for my cousin�s wedding (I could only get to the reception because of work) and just didn�t have the time to go to the reception. Or to see us. Even though they were only about 20 minutes away.

The thing is, if it had been one of her kids, come hell or high water, they would have found a way to visit. And if they had bothered to call ahead of time and let us know they were planning on going (I didn�t think they would make the drive), I probably would have taken the afternoon off at work and found a way to see them. But they don�t work that way. We�re always an afterthought.

But, hey, I told myself. That�s just the way it is. Your dad still loves you, he just feels that his marriage to her has to come first. Whatever.

So then this morning, I get a call from my stepmom on the way to work. At first I was really thrown off because she makes it sound like she was just calling to say hi and see how things were�which she NEVER does. So I was immediately suspicious. After a few polite questions she got to the point. See, her parents, who I love dearly and am surprisingly more close to than my actual stepmother, are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this next year. Because they are incredibly generous and because they are lucky enough to have some money, they are taking the entire family on a 5-day Caribbean cruise in June. We were very excited about it.

But now we�re pregnant. And the baby will be only 2 � months old the week of the cruise. See our dilemma?

Here�s my deal; I�ve never had a baby, and I�ve never been on a cruise. I have no idea how big of a disaster it would be if I brought the baby. And I wouldn�t leave it. I just wouldn�t. Not at 2 � months. So it�s either we go with the baby, or we don�t.

My stepmom doesn�t think we should go, �but it is totally up to you, of course.� Right. Just like she doesn�t have a problem with my using her washing machine.

So it sucks. I know that we probably shouldn�t go. We�d have to fly cross-country to Florida and then I�d be stuck with the baby on the ship the whole time while everyone else scuba�d and all that stuff. I am very aware that it wouldn�t be as much fun for me as it could be. Too bad for us, bad timing. But it would make me so sad knowing that my entire family was out there and I wasn�t. I would feel so left out. Think of the pictures, the stories. Gah. It would suck. And there will never be another opportunity like this.

Anyway, we have to make a decision. So I�m asking for the advice from any of you moms out there. What do you think? Nightmare waiting to happen? Should we even attempt it, or just let it go? Any advice you could email would help.

Of course, I want to go. But I also want to do what is best for the baby. You know, that whole sacrifice thing I was talking about (damned responsibility).

Anyway, the whole thing got me really upset. I was crying by the time I got to work. I just wish I were dealing with my own mom instead of the step. She would be much more sympathetic to our dilemma. Work with me here, woman!

And now here�s the emotional kicker. I called my dad to get the real story on how my stepmom felt. I mean sure she says it�s up to us, but that could also mean she�d rather chew glass than be on a cruise with me and the baby. And because I was already upset about them not bothering to see us, I ended up crying about how much it sucks that he can�t make an effort to make sure that we get the same preference as her own kids do, at least by him. And then he felt bad and apologized. AND THEN�

He tells me that he finally went to the doctor about these headaches he has been getting and they did an MRI and found a tumor in his brain. I am not kidding you. It was like the twilight zone.

Good thing the blinds to my office at work were closed. And good thing I have a box of tissues nearby.

Supposedly the tumor is not dangerous. It�s more like a cyst than anything else. But they are doing a second MRI in a week to see if it has grown. If it has grown; well, that would be bad. If not, then they will leave it in there and check on it every once and a while but don�t consider it to be a danger.

Still.

This was all too much emotion for this pregnant girl to take in at once. What a shitty morning.

And also, the cruise thing doesn�t seem all that important now, except that it would be an opportunity to spend time with my father when he is relaxed and happy.

So, sorry for the novel and the mass topic overload. But I just had to get it out.

And I still want opinions on the cruise/baby issue.

before ~ after