04.27.04

Hi!

My weekend was unbelievably boring!

Want to hear about it? Well okay, then!

First of all, on Friday night I had to go to the annual �talent show� held at J�s school. Tip: Optometry grad students should not hold an annual event called a �talent show.� Or a yearly dance called the �Eye Ball.� Bleh. After the first! 2! hours! people! I wanted to strangle myself with the nearest feropter. Because you can really only take so many optometry jokes. Did you know that the word �eye� sounds exactly like the pronoun �I� and can be used interchangeably for hours of non-stop hilarity? Hmm?? I finally threatened J with a life of celibacy if he didn�t take me home. Yes, I am an anti-social shrew of a wife. We ended up watching this week�s taped Survivor episode. I tell ya - - that immunity can definitely throw a wrench in your plans.

Saturday, I managed to get my lazy self to the gym, which I hate, by the way. But I did it. Did you hear that thighs? I went to the gym, bitches! Get with the program!

I had lunch with my very awesome friend who I haven�t spent nearly enough time with in the past month, and who has been known to make me laugh so hard I would collapse, literally, on the ground for effect. (S, did we really do that? Ha. We were so cool in high school.) Sometimes even a *leetle * bit of pee would come out. We haven�t laughed like that in a while, though. Something about becoming cynical grown-ups or some such crap. Note to self: schedule in more collapsing from laughter.

I then made from semi-scratch this cheese and potato casserole stuff for a church social. Because that is one of the lesser-know commandments, apparently: Thou shalt bring side dishes you would never eat at home to church functions. Then we went to said function with said casserole. On a Saturday night. Woo. We did rent a movie after, though, so that somewhat spices things up, right? What if I said the movie was a steamy porno?

�Okay, so it wasn�t. But it could have been.

�Okay, so it was really Cheaper By the Dozen. But I was doing things to Tom Welling in my imagination that would have rated *at least* an NC-17. Really.

Ugh. I�m depressing myself at this point.

Sunday, J studied all day while I cleaned the house and antagonized the kitten. We did leave the house at some point for a few hours, but other than that I did a lot of laundry. I refinished a cheap frame for some cheap art. I watched a lot of bad TV. Although, I have to say at this point, that I really liked the movie Gattaca. It almost made me forget what a Useless Shagging Bastard that Ethan Hawke turned out to be. Uma, you picked the wrong costar. You should have hooked up with Jude.

Yep.

The good news is that the weather is starting to warm up again. I applied some self-tanner in the expectation of wearing my cute summer skirts in the very near future and also (being a future optometrist�s wife) in the understanding of the vision damage exposure to my currently brilliantly white appendages could cause to countless innocent bystanders. Now brilliantly *orange* legs�that�s a different matter.

I realize at this point, many of you (who are still awake) might be feeling a little sorry for me and my sad, empty life. But don�t worry, this was just one weekend. Next weekend, we�ve got big plans, Jerry. Big Plans. We�re going to a Renaissance Festival in the 909. Because nothing says wild and crazy like singing minstrels and meat on a stick.

Huzzah!

before ~ after